California Uber Alles…

Jello Biafra (of the Punk Band the Dead Kennedy’s) got two chances so far on this song about California governors. First with Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown (now Mayor of Oakland.) Then again, in the early nineties, when he produced the Disposable Heroes of Hip-Hopricy version about Pete (not the anchor man) Wilson. Here is a section from the latter version:

I’m your governor Pete Wilson ya know

The baddest governor to ever grab the mic and go


Gimme a budget and watch me hack it !

Gimme a beat and I’ll show you how to jack it !

I give the rich a giant tax loophole

I leave the poor living in a poophole

At time when Aids is in a crisis

I cut health care and I raise prices

Sales tax, snack tax, excise tax

Information attack with a newspaper tax

Hit the pocket books of working families

Increase tuition at the universities

Some day I’ll command all o’ you

Even your kids are gonna pray to me in school

Soon I’m gonna be the president

You might remember the last one this state sent

This is why I’m not in favor of the recall. This state has been in a state for years, it’s just recently been masked by the high-tech prosperity (quite possibly the root cause to begin with…) Unfortunately for Davis, it went bust on his watch. The power crisis would have happened regardless of whom was in office (OK, Enron probably would have charged a Republican governor less for power – but look what happened to Enron…) Higher taxes? Well other states have been raising them (by Republican Governors, no less) yet it was a battle to pass the budget this year – and I can’t remember the last time the state actually had a budget passed by the due date.

Now, the title of the above quoted song may roll effortlessly off the tongue of the next Republican to hold the office (should he get elected.) That’s right, it’s official: “Terminator 4 – The Rise of the Politicians” is now in wide release here in the state of California. Not only is “Arnie” running, but also the other half of Leno’s joke (as reported in Hello and welcome to California…) is running. This prompted the CNN commentator tonight to comment that this election’s debates will require translators (subtitles will be enough for me.)

But the craziness does not stop there. Porn mogul Larry Flynt (“the smut peddler who cares”) is going to run. “Different Strokes” star Gary Coleman is going to run. To ensure there is enough porn on the ballot, a Porn Star named Mary Carey is also running. On a similar other hand, Georgy Russell (a 26 year old computer programmer, running on a clean energy ticket) is selling “Georgy for Governor” thongs to finance her attempt.

Then there is the list of “ordinary” people with famous names running: Steve Martin, Michael Jackson, Bob Dole, and Gray Davis. Not hard, when over 300 people have taken out the necessary papers to run – with possibly over 100 of them meeting the 65 voters and $3,500 requirement to be on the ballot.

This mass candidacy is also is posing a problem for the more hi-tech polling stations. Apparently, the computerized polls can only hold up to 49 names (I’m assuming per office, but I could be wrong.) Oddly enough, here in the Silly-Con Valley were still looking at Florida’s friend “Chad.” I guess we knew all too well not to implement these systems…

Now I leave this article with a question: Is the Governor protected by double indemnity like judicial defendants. I mean, if the recall fails and Issa and his horde of signatures want to try to recall Davis again – can they?